Resisting Being Pressured to Have Sex
-This was not written as a religious piece, but for a pregnancy crisis center and for that reason it is much more secular than my normal writing.-
If you love
me, you’ll have sex with me…
If you won’t have sex with me, I’ll find someone who will…
Everybody has sex…
We had sex before. What’s the problem?
I want to marry you; you know were going to get married?
Do any of these sound familiar? These are among the multitude of things that boyfriends can say to try to push their girlfriend to have sex. But, if you look at the root of each statement, it is not loving or caring; rather, it is a selfish desire to have intercourse, regardless of your feelings on the issue.
If you won’t have sex with me, I’ll find someone who will…
Everybody has sex…
We had sex before. What’s the problem?
I want to marry you; you know were going to get married?
Do any of these sound familiar? These are among the multitude of things that boyfriends can say to try to push their girlfriend to have sex. But, if you look at the root of each statement, it is not loving or caring; rather, it is a selfish desire to have intercourse, regardless of your feelings on the issue.
As a woman,
you have a right to be treasured and valued and not to be pressured into having
sex. It should be considered that sexual intercourse is not merely an action;
rather, it involves a person to enter your body. If you really think about it,
do you let anyone stick their finger in your mouth? No, of course not, then the
same should be considered when having sex. Ultimately, as a woman, you really
don’t need to explain to anyone why you don’t want to have sex. The fact that
you don’t want to have intercourse is your decision and should be respected.
Sexual
intercourse and other sex acts are, as I said before, not merely physical acts,
but there is a psychological and emotional connection that exists in
participating in these activities; ultimately, it is a very intimate giving of
yourself. Just as we don’t readily reveal deep secrets about ourselves to
anyone, we should not just give the most secret part of ourselves to just
anyone.
There is
little doubt that there is some type of connection with your boyfriends, but you
should be careful not to confuse love and lust. All people have feelings and emotions,
but we have to be careful about being dominated by them in a moment of passion
because our actions can carry long repercussions, including pregnancy,
acquiring an STD or even being labeled as being easy or loose. We should
strongly consider the commitment of our partner and if he is man enough to
carry the responsibility of being a father, or is he just a child being ruled
by his emotions, saying that he loves me, but thinking with under the mask of
his sexual desires. Does he really love me, or does he lust after me?
In talking about love, I think we should
define it. I could look at a dictionary, but I find their definitions too
mundane and propose that love is the unconditional giving of one’s self. It not
merely physical, but requires the constant consideration for others, and in the
case of relationship, for the partner. Still, it should be considered that in a
relationship, love needs to be reciprocal and just as you care and love your
partner, he should care for you. In a loving relationship, there should be no
coercion or physical force used, especially when discussing sexual matters. If
you find that your relationship is very one sided, it may require you to
reassess your relationship. You may need to have a very serious discussion with
your boyfriend or lover and try to facilitate an environment which allows
mutual respect, especially as regards feelings on sex. Still, if this is
unproductive and he can’t respect you and your feelings, it may be time to move
on because in a loving relationship feelings are respected, and if a man truly
loves you, he will love you for all that you are and not just sex.
We live in
a society where lust is often thought of as love, where we mistake sexual
passion for a loving desire of the other person, but love goes far beyond that.
The truth is love is expressed in many ways and is not limited to the sexual
experience. In being considerate, talking, genuinely looking after your boyfriend, you can show your love. Love means participating in dialogue and
growing to understand one another, and we should consider that there are many
married people in society and they love each other, but if you examine their
relationships, you will see that they are not having sex all the time, but show
their love by an embrace, a kiss, listening to their spouse when they are
troubled, by giving of themselves when they are exhausted, so if your boyfriend
think love is all about sex, he has a serious misconception about love. It is
so much more.
Ultimately,
you are a woman. You are a special person with your own feelings, emotions and
gifts. You are special and there will always be people who love you and care
for you. If your boyfriend loves you, he has to love you for who you are. If he
can’t do that, kick him to curb. There are always many more fish in the sea,
and remember, if he is not man enough to deal with the responsibility to be a
father, he is not man enough to sleep with you.
If you love me, you’ll have sex with me…
“If you love me, you’ll stop trying to make me do something I don’t want to do.”
If you won’t have sex with me, I’ll find someone who will…
“If you’re going to make threats, maybe we should see other people.”
Everybody has sex…
“I don’t care about everybody. I care about this body. I’m responsible for me.”
We had sex before. What’s the problem?
“I changed my mind. I have too much I want to do without risking it all again.”
I want to marry you; you know were going to get married?
“If and when that day comes, we can discuss it then.”
“What does marriage later have to do with sex now?”[1]
Regardless
of your past decisions about sex, you always have the right to say no and it
has to be respected. If your decision isn’t respected, you are in a bad
relationship and it is time to move on; additionally, you have recourse to the
authorities if anyone ever tries to force themselves upon you and it is a serious
offense. Past consent doesn’t mean that you consent all the time, and you can
stop having sex whenever you want and start anew. Ultimately it is your
decision and your choice. You deserved to be love not objectified, and remember
that ending a relationship is not the end of the world, but allows for a new
beginning and a new chance at happiness. In the end, we deserve not be
dominated by anyone, but to be genuinely loved.
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